The Art of Holding On and Letting Go

It's blogging time! :)

I just finished chatting with my old friend. It has become my habit to blog after chatting with somebody. I guess it's because that's the time I get some 'inspiration' or insight for me to write about.

This time, we talked about this certain former significant other of mine... For some reasons, I can't reveal his name because he might be reading this. I did remember giving him my URL when we chatted a few weeks ago. I'm kinda worried that he might be offended.

Anyway, we had a little argument... and it was challenging! Hehehe. I love being challenged... :)

The thing is, I told him about our love story... how we started, and how we parted ways...

Here's an excerpt of our conversation that sort of made me think... that struck me...

ofed16: kaso, nakapanghihinayang sa part mo talaga...

ofed16: un.

angel_71900 : nakapanghinayang kasi....

ofed16 : hindi kayo nagkatuluyan.

angel_71900: siguro nga, pero come to think of it, i'm better off without him e...

ofed16: sabi mo nga...

ofed16: all the best

angel_71900: hehehe

angel_71900 ganun talaga...

angel_71900 : i made some wrong decisions e

angel_71900 : i'll just have to deal with them, di ba

ofed16 : that wrong move, made you more "right"

angel_71900 : i'm just lucky to have somebody who accepted and loved me despite of my past

angel_71900 : correct ka jan!

ofed16 : yup

angel_71900 : kaya nga sobrang kagagahan ko na lang talaga pag pinakawalan ko pa sya...

angel_71900 : hehehe

ofed16 : no comment...

ofed16 : it's really up to both of you. not you alone.

ofed16 : di mo rin masabi mangyayari lahat sa kinabukasan...

ofed16 : madami pa rin pwede o posibleng mangyari...

ofed16 : pero siguro sa ngayon, mabuti na ganyan ang pananaw mo sa buhay...

ofed16 : keep it up!

angel_71900 : thanks!

angel_71900 : pero kasi before i kept wondering kung ano bang mangyayari sa future...

angel_71900 : what if magkita kami uli

angel_71900 : what if makipagbalikan pa sya sakin

ofed16 : ewan...

ofed16 : kaw na mismo makakasagot nyan...

angel_71900 : puro what if e...

angel_71900 : full of uncertainties....

ofed16 : basta, ano man mangyari... think of it twice...

angel_71900 : then one day i realized na hinde naman pwedeng ganun

ofed16 : yaan mo... don't worry much... andito "kami" para sayo...

angel_71900 : i don't want to miss my happiness right now just because of that

angel_71900 : hehehe

ofed16 : i don't think so...

angel_71900 : ha? y s that so?

ofed16 : basta... don't give all you've got. eka nga...

ofed16 : para kung di man magwork... handa ka pa rin....

ofed16 : sabi nga... don't just look on one side of the coin.

ofed16 : always consider both side...

angel_71900 : bahala na.... pero kasi ako, di ko kayang magcommit sa isang relationship na di 100% e

ofed16 : you'll never know when that coin will flip up or don't whenever...

###

Now, I want to comment on these...

Honestly, there was really a point in my life when I was so 'gaga' and desperate over that guy. I loved him too much. I invested too much emotions to the extent that I neglected my other priorities - I got failing marks, I lost my interest in being a news writer in our college newsletter and being an officer of Pax Romana and MUKHA AD. I just didn't feel like doing them... And what's worse? I keep on crying every night - thinking where I went wrong... why he left me for no reason at all... I keep on thinking/ wondering if he ever loved me... if he would still come back to me...

Now, tell me, does that make me a better person?

Love should make me a better person, right?

So, I think I'M MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM!

And I can't move on with my life if I would continue to live in my past... I simple can't. And hey, I have a life of my own too... I don't want to miss what the world has to offer me because I keep on thinking about my past...

I don't want to live in a life of "what if's..."

I just have to let him go... totally... after all, I've given him enough time to make his move to come back to me... But nothing happened. It wasn't just meant to be. No matter how hard it was for me, I'll just have to let him go and really move on with my life...

I have to take a risk...

And that I did...

After a year or so, I fell in love again...

I met a guy who accepted and love me despite of my past...

And we've been steady for three years now...

I wouldn't say that our relationship is perfect or even close to one...

But what's making the difference is that 1.) ours developed from friendship and 2.) ours is centered to God (we're both serving Him thru CYM).

The future may seem to be uncertain...

But what the heck?

I love him and that's it...

I simply can't commit and love less than a hundred percent of myself...

After all, he's all worth taking the risk...

And if someday, if things wouldn't work out between us, at least, I can proudly tell myself that I have loved... and been loved back...

As they say "It's better to have been loved and failed than to have never loved at all."

###

THROUGH THE FIRE (Chaka Kahn)

I look in your eyes and I can see
You've loved so dangerously
You're not trusting your heart to anyone...
You tell me you're gonna play it smart
We're through before we start
But I believe that we've only just begun

When it's this good there's no saying no
I want you so I'm ready to go

Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall
For just to be with you I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire, through whatever come what may
For a chance at loving you, I'd take it all the way...
Right down to the wire, even through the fire

I know you're afraid of what you feel
Your still need time to heal
And I could help if you'll only let me try
You touched me and something in me knew
What I could have with you,
Now I'm not ready to say goodbye

When it's this good there's no saying no
I need you so I'm ready to go

Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall
For just to be with you I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire, through whatever come what may
For a chance at loving you, I'd take it all the way...
Right down to the wire, even through the fire
Through the fire, to the limit, through the fire, through whatever